New year’s eve.

12:35 am, Saturday, December 31st’16

It was this evening I turned a bit more immune to people who give me chills. I’ve never had a heartbreak. Never experienced one till date ’cause I didn’t give into liaisons and it never crossed my path. However, know what it feels like. I guess. A bit of pinching, piercing, stabbing and a tank load of gravitation is felt. Just abruptly ended connections, be it texting or noticing. Like someone pulls out the plug? It’s exactly that. And then a quote heard seven days ago starts to hit hard, sink in, making sense. But, instead we, just reflect upon his or her capability to get the quote, empathize and use it. Or. We just don’t.

We would not want to meet someone so akin to us. It’s hard to face yourself, when there are pools of similarity but are estranged and distant by the shared, similar brokenness, as well. Giving a second thought to meeting someone, I’m better with any book in my hand and crushes and fictional stuffs in our head. I’ll lie on snow, hands and legs stretched out, making snow angels, thinking about us, our possibilities and let it go down the drains during the happiest moments, shrugging it away. I don’t own any nostalgia for my childhood but it’s where it all began and need to return to it once in a while. We’re all pretentious, what else is youth for? And while we pretended to belong to the exclusively fucked circle, using confusion as hype and with a certain agenda to, well, seem incredibly lonely, we seek love and crave delight whilst one or two 80s songs melt in our ears.

We f e e l, another common human trait we possess that comes in a package of adoration, clannishness, loathing, non-commitment and in the end, fighting. Attachment is spam, we cringe at the sight of couples, or at least I do; we go back home, crack a bottle open, sit on the couch and let the monster creep in. In the end love is everywhere but loneliness is awesome. We only wish we knew how to get rid of it.

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